You may have noticed that we have been AWOL for about 2 weeks. We apologize. Since this is so new, it was hard to focus on blogging when our schedules got busy after the summertime lull. Had we forgotten the inhumane cruel conditions of university? No. Maybe. The point is that we’ve now had to deal with the mountain of assignments and deadlines that come with everyday non-vacation life, AND book blogging and bookstagramming (has anyone noticed that we’ve gone from posting every day to every two days (or more)? It’s heartbreaking). So instead of spending our free time wondering how everyone else in the book community does it, (seriously though, HOW??) we’ve compiled our own list of our Top Ten Ways to Make More Time For Reading. Because we obviously have been doing so well at this.
1) The simplest way is obviously to just get a time turner. People love making excuses but they just haven’t acquired the tools they need to get everything done.
(Alternatively, getting in touch with The Doctor and asking him to loan you the Tardis is another viable option if all the time turners are taken.)
2) Hire an assistant. They will do everything that keeps you busy, leaving you with all the time you need to read. Cooking, laundry, HW? They’ll obvious also remind you when it’s time to do important things like read. Come to think of it you may need 2 assistants to replace one of you.
3) All kidding aside the most obvious way to find time to read is to shirk your responsibilities. Have children? They can learn to fend for themselves. A job? Who needs that. School? We don’t even have to say anything, just procrastinate! (It is in our blog name after all.)
4) Alternatively, you can just not have any duties at all. Become a hermit in the woods with absolutely no responsibilities at all. Eat random twigs, weeds, and mushrooms. After doing so you’ll be able to talk to all your woodland companions. And in the peace and quiet (except for the sounds of nature – bees, bears, birds, and insects) you’ll have the setting you need to read.
5) Now some people will say that it’s not that you don’t have the time, it’s that you don’t utilize it correctly. And honestly, that’s just offensive. We would never procrastinate! Sure, have we at times spent hours on YouTube watching people paint dolls? Maybe. Have some of us used Brooklyn 99 as an excuse to not do any work or read anything at all? Very possible. But our advice is to ignore those people and continue complaining about how you have no time. And also read a page or two here or there. Ya know. Maybe.
6) Now, this might not be about wanting to read more for the pleasure of reading and the escape and knowledge it brings. It might more so be a way to beat that darn Goodreads goal that you set to 478 while on winter break and now are looking at in utter confusion having read only 3 books in 7 months. For that I suggest a more pragmatic plan. Children’s books. Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Board books only. Even The Cat in the Hat has too many words for you to successfully finish all the books you need in such a short time frame.
7) If all the above options fail, then we know things are getting desperate and it’s time to bring out the big guns. Have you ever thought of selling your soul? (As a redhead, I wasn’t born with one and I’ve been doing just fine.) Simply draw a pentagram with the most convenient sticky red substance (even KoolAid will do) and strike up a good ol’ deal with your friendly neighborhood demon.
8) Maybe you’re spending too much time sleeping. 7 hours? Get outta town! You only need like 3. And a half. Once a week. Coffee, sugar, and desperation will do their best to keep your body going while you stay up till the wee hours of dawn to read.
9) Now in other posts I’ve seen people suggest audiobooks when you don’t have time to read. And I think that brilliant. The thing is, those people haven’t figured out the best time to listen to audiobooks. Sure, you can read while eating or doing chores, but you can also finish a full book while you sleep. Just press play right before bed, and voila! You just read a book overnight. And since we all know how people forget everything about every book they’ve read anyway, no one will notice the difference if you’re fuzzy on details (or the entire plot).
10) At this point we’re going to assume that you’ve already gotten rid of your social life (who needs friends when you have books), your soul, and your sleep. So the only reasonable option that’s left is to spend your time writing a post about how you have no time to read. Even though you could have been reading in that time. But we all know you wouldn’t be.
That’s the end of our Top Ten Ways to Read When You Have no time. We’re going to head over to Instagram and look at pictures of all the books we could be reading for a few hours. Because we have a reputation to uphold after all.
Do you guys have any suggestions? Do you regularly use any of the items on the list? Are you going to start using any of them?